Dear authors
by DawnAngel14
Summary: Series of letters adressed to the authors of fanfiction, from the OP characters. Read, enjoy and review! Suggestons are welcomed and appreciated!
1. Sincerely, Zoro

**AN**: Hello everyone, welcome to my newest fanfic! Now, first of all, it should be clarified that the original idea behind this fanfic belongs to the awesome writer **HorcruxesandHallows**, who was kind enough to allow me to make a OP version of her HP parody. Seriously, if you're into Harry Potter, you should really go read her fanfic, it's called "Dear Writers of Fanfiction" (you can find it in my favorites or just search it) and it's fantastic! Really recommendable!

Back on topic, let's go on with this. This will be a series of short (or perhaps not so short later on) letters, parodies about the world of fanfiction from the OP characters. As the summary says, suggestions are always welcomed. Not only welcomed, but would be amazing if you make them, it would really help me out. :)

Oh, and the number of letters this will contain had not been decided yet. But there will be plenty to go around. Now, let's get this short started!

And of course, OP doesn't belong to me. Sadly. :(

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

I don't want to settle down and start a family.

I don't want to have children.

I don't want to marry a pretty girl that magically shows up on our ship.

And I definitely don't have a long-lost sister.

Sincerely, Roronoa Zoro.


	2. Sincerely, Law

**AN**: I know my sudden disappearance may have made you all sad for a moment, but don't worry, I'm back! And I've brought some inspiration with me, hoping it will be enough.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed (and faved and has this on story alert) last letter and I'm sorry I took almost two months to update. As from today, I'll try to update this fic weekly (every Friday), ok? :)

For now, here's Law.

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

Do you know what a bloodbath is?

Unless you want me to give you a free live demonstration, you will stop writing yaoi with me in it.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, Trafalgar Law.

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><p>I wrote down already letters from Hancock and Ace, which do you want to see first?<p>

See you on Friday!

PS: For those who don't have an account and who I can't reply by PM for obvious reasons, here's your reply :)

_VongolaXII_: Thanks, I'm glad you thought so. Zoro is awesome :D


	3. Sincerely, Hancock

**AN**: Hello! As promised, I'm back on Friday to update you people on the newest letters...

Once again, thanks to everyone that has reviewed this story, as well as those who have it in Favorites and Story Alert, thank you very much for your supports and suggestions! It helps me keep going :)

And by popular demand (but really, not that much difference) here's Hancock.

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

I demand more LuffyXHancock stories or I'll personally make your lifes miserables.

Sincerely, Monkey D. Hancock (nee Boa).

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><p>Next Friday we'll have Ace then! See you there!<p>

PS: For those who don't have an account and who I can't reply by PM for obvious reasons, here's your reply :)

_Ashlyn-i_: I did not include that there because I plan on Sanji writing that... although I'm afraid of how extensive that letter might end, but I think I'll include that there. I know they stated it again and again, but some people don't get it... hope you enjoy this though :D


	4. Sincerely, Ace

*spies from the corner* hey...

*hides before readers kill her*

I'M SO SO SO SORRY! It's been about a month since you had any news from me, bu I do have an excuse! You see, I had a little car accident a few weeks ago. Everything's ok, luckily no one got severely injured, but I had to stay over at the hospital for some time (my leg was the only thing damaged , but then again nothing seriously bad) and just yesterday I was able to leave (finally!). While it was a good thing I could catch up with many series I couldn't before, like Supernatural or Elfen Lied, it also had the bad side that my computer, where this letters were, was back at home, while I was stuck with my sisters' laptop. Either way, I'm deeply sorry, since I should've let you know, but to apologize I (finally) give you Ace's letter!

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

I am dead; I died protecting my brother and I do not regret it.

Now please, would you stop trying to revive me and accept I'm dead? It's exhausting already.

Thanks.

Portgas D. Ace

PS: I'm not Smoker's bitch.

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><p>So, what do you think? Loved it? Hated it? Hated me? (I know I would). Let me know!<p>

Next will probably be Sanji... or Nami, I'm not sure. The one that comes first to mind. See you next Friday!


	5. Sincerely, Sanji

Hi everyone! I'm glad to be back safe and sound at home and all now, but college is bitchier than ever. Since I was in the hospital for exam season, I had them all in a row. All of them. It was pretty intense, so I was kind of inactive, but as promised I'm back on friday.

And thank God it's friggin' Friday at last! (I was about to make a Supernatural reference, but nobody would get it what T.C.I.F. is so...) Let's roll.

Sanji, you're up.

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

I just discovered this site and took a look. You lovely lady writers are wonderful!

Ah, love. Such a magnific element, and you writers handled them perfectly. There's so much about me and Nami-swan in here! So much that can come true, Nami-swan and me doing "this" and "that"... mellorine!

And there's Robin-chwan too! Sometimes the three! How fantastic; not to mention some others, like Vivi-chwan or Keimi-chwan! Ah, my lovely ladies...

But alas, not everything is paradise. Because there are some shitty authors (obviously men, because such charming ladies would never do such a monstruosity) who accuse me of being homosexual. For all of you shitheads, I assure you that I'm 100% straight. Don't you see me with Nami-san and Robin-chan all the time? I think I'm the most heterosexual man on the Sunny, but for some reason you shitheads don't seem to catch that idea.

Where's the shitty caps lock on this thing... OH, HERE IT IS.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU SHITTY IDIOTS, PAIRING ME UP WITH THE STUPID SWORDSMAN? I HAVE NO DESIRE TO GET INTO THE MARIMO'S PANTS, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. NEITHER DO I FANTASIZE ABOUT HIM NOR DID WE HAVE A "ONE-NIGHT STAND" NOR ANYTHING OF THE SORT! STOP IT!

Seriously, it's really horrible. And with Usopp? Luffy? ACE? What the hell are you all shitheads thinking about?

Either this stops, or I'll hunt you down and kick the crap out of you.

Sincerely, a very horrified Sanji.

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: Poor Sanji-kun. Nevertheless I still pair him up with the whole cast. It's a small price for being so pretty XD

Just kidding. Don't kill me, Sanji-kun.

Leave your lovely reviews if you feel like it (suggestions for next letters are always welcomed, although my eyes are set on a certain orange-haired lady right now) and I'll see you next friday!


	6. Sincerely, Nami

Quick note because I'm leaving in a while. I have to get ready to go out for dinner in half an hour and haven't even bathed yet. So I'm pretty much typing at the speed of light, forgive any typos you may spot here.

So yeah, I've been absent here. Why? Because I started extra classes on Fridays, which I used to have free to myself. My new college schedule sucks. So for that, I will be updating this on wednesdays instead of fridays. I thought I could make it last week, but I got home late and between one thing or another, I stayed home for about ten minutes before leaving. I was absent today though, so here I am! Enjoy!

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

Please stop trying to pair me up with literally everyone on the series. It's really annoying, not to mention sick and twisted. You must understand that the people in my crew are my friends, my family... neither my sex slaves nor my secret lovers. After reading your work, I decided to write this to ask you to stop.

It's really just... horrible. I mean, Luffy? He's a great friend and an amazing captain, but I don't skip a beat every time he walks by and I most certainly _don't_ blush every time I make eye contact with him. And I also do not get nervous and distracted every time Zoro takes off his shirt to train. I'm not a hormonal teen; I'm already a twenty year old woman, I think I can handle myself in such a situation. Sanji-kun? He's sweet and a great helping hand, but I'm not wishing everyday that he'll settle down with me and I'll have his babies. He's a womanizer and a lady lover. And no, I'm not dying of jealousy every time he compliments Robin as well, got it?

And talking about Robin... I would like to inform you that I am not a lesbian. So... all those lesbian fantasies of yours can start dying now. Immediately. I have no desire of touching her breasts every time that I see her, no matter how big they are. Nor do I dream about Vivi every night and cry hoping that I can kiss her again someday.

So, to sum up, I don't want to be paired up with: Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Sanji, Vivi, Robin, Chopper, Franky, Brook, Ace, Sabo, Boa Hancock, Nojiko, Bellemere, Keimi, Arlong, Enel, Kidd, X-Drake, Smoker, Paulie, Law, Rob Lucci, Kalifa, Kaku, Pandaman, Hachi, Margaret, Lola, Haredas, Dragon, Garp, Tashigi, Coby... and the list goes on, but you get the idea.

Lastly, for the record, I'm not into pedophilia, necrophilia or zoophilia. Got it?

I will come to haunt you in your sleep if you don't listen to this letter.

Sincerely, Nami.

PS: My fee for starring in your fanfictions is five hundred belis for every time my name is mentioned. You can send my money to the Thousand Sunny or I'l come to fetch it myself.

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: For the record, the only Pandaman/Nami story I ever read was _brilliant_.

See you on wednesday people!


	7. Sincerely, Roger

See? I made it in Wednesday! I missed updating in time, but I did this time!

So how have you all been? I've been great myself, I got into Glee recently and now I'm in season 2. Kurt and Sue never fail to crack me up. And also True Blood. Awesome series, but very... um, _graphic_. How was you weekend? How were your things?

Let's leave that for later and move on, as I believe the pirate king has something to say to all of us...

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><p>Dear Authors,<p>

There aren't a lot of D carriers in the world. I know many of them, and they're certainly not teenage girls with perfect curves or boys who have _all_ the devil fruits. I believe that's not physically possible.

Stop inventing crazy new D carriers.

On the other hand, I'm a man of action. The Pirate King himself. Why am I in so few stories? Only two pages! As king of the previous pirate age, I demand modifications immediately.

Sincerely, Gol D. Roger

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><p><strong>AN<strong>: For those who seeked the story from last chapter, it's called "_Mute_". You may find it in my favorites.

See you all next week!


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